We were driving past a cemetery and my Dad said in a dead serious quiet voice “I know something you don’t know about this place. The people living in this town aren’t allowed to be buried here.” And I was really confused so I asked why and he said
"Because they’re still alive."
Fuck you, Dad, with your creepy Dad jokes.
man i wish homophobic people were actually AFRAID of gay people like could you imagine having the power to strike fear in peoples hearts with your homo
"If I do not have one trazillion dollars on my doorstep by noon tomorrow, I swear I will KISS THIS WOMAN on the MOUTH in front of your children.”